Balance Points from the Team

Don’t Be This Guy (But DO Learn To Work With Him)

08.15.18

Several years ago, I was asked to work with Guy, a partner in a large professional services firm.

Guy had spent a significant part of his career as an executive for a global financial services company before joining the firm as a “direct admit owner.” After working at the firm for a few months, HR began receiving complaints about Guy’s behavior. He was rude, condescending and arrogant with peers, subordinates and even with a large client.

The firm’s leaders had tried to counsel Guy, but he repeatedly brushed off this advice and was generally dismissive of attempts to remediate his behavior. Guy started off our very first meeting by saying, “I know you spoke with HR and that they told you they talked with ten people and that all ten people said the same thing about me. It just goes to show you, Alan, that ten people CAN be wrong.”

I’d love to say that Guy and I successfully went through the coaching process and that he realized a great breakthrough, but that was not the case. In our second meeting, he tried to recruit me as a “defense attorney” for him with leadership when he finally realized his back was against the wall.

Much like Jack in blog two and Raul in blog three, Guy didn’t see a problem with his behavior and didn’t see any reason to change. When people are this fixed in their thinking the best you can do is learn to work around them rather than try to change them. And because virtually every work environment has a Guy, I’d like to share some tips for doing just that.

The first is what I call the Noble Intent approach.

I use this a lot with clients who are in a situation with someone who is antagonistic. Ask yourself if there is a more understandable or noble intention that is driving the person’s behavior.

Is she perhaps being hard on you to prepare you to deal with a particularly tough client?

Is she concerned about the impact of a change on her team?

By looking for her noble intent, you will be able to reframe the challenging behavior as her way to protect her and her team’s interests.

A second tool is good old-fashioned empathy.

When you ask the person to put himself in someone else’s shoes you are challenging him to look at the problem or situation through different eyes. And learning from others is, as we discussed in the last blog, one of the best ways to build a growth mindset.

A final strategy is to seek to understand where this person is coming from by simply asking.

People with a growth mindset view their failures as learning opportunities but for people with a fixed mindset, being challenged is terrifying because it signifies a weakness or deficiency. If you feel comfortable, ask the person what he or she is worried about. You may get the brush-off but there’s also a chance that the person will welcome the opportunity to let the fear walk around outside his or her head.

Try one of these tactics the next time you encounter a “Guy” and see how a change in your approach can change the conversation.

Click Here To Learn More About Alan Abeles.

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